“How Flowers Helped Me Heal After My Marriage Fell Apart”
A photograph from Deepa Gurnani’s Utopia campaign [Image Courtesy: Deepa Gurnani’s Instagram]
A home is more than mere bricks and beams; it’s a symphony of emotions, a canvas painted with light, laughter, and love. In the embrace of these intangibles, a house flourishes into a home, a sanctuary where dreams take flight. My own haven was a testament to this—a sanctum meticulously crafted with hope, courage, and compassion. Yet even the sturdiest of structures can crumble, leaving behind shattered remnants. Everything that made my home my home shattered last year—a day before my 14th wedding anniversary—when my husband said that the marriage was over. In that state what I could gather and hold on to, were my healing flowers, Bach Flower Remedies (BFRs) in particular.
Blossoming Amidst the Wreckage
Bach Flower Remedies have been a part of my life for over a decade now. A holistic approach to emotional wellness, they were developed by Dr Edward Bach, a British physician and homoeopath in the 1930s. Driven by the belief that emotional imbalances are the root cause of physical ailments, he formulated 38 essences from flowers. Each essence corresponds to a specific emotional state, aiming to restore balance, harmony, and overall mental health.
Since the day I took Rescue Remedy for the first time—for a flu that struck me the evening before an important assignment—to present day, these gentle 38 flower essences have become my friends and have helped me sail through the most difficult times of my life. I have affectionately named them and penned poems to capture their essence. Their magic not only guided me through my own storms but also propelled me to victory. A testament of which, is my book Phoolproof: Indian Flowers, Their Myths, Traditions & Usage, which I wrote during a dark phase of my life.
“I refused to question fate with a mournful ‘Why me?’. Instead, I turned to my Buddhist faith and Bach Flower Remedies and challenged destiny with a ‘Try me’.”
Weathering the Storm
In the midst of life’s tempestuous seas, I faced heartache and loss during 2017-2018. Two pillars of my life crumbled—a friend who never judged me and my uncle who always encouraged me to chase my dreams passed away within a month. To deal with that loss I deep dived into the world of flowers and emerged with flower essences that helped me build myself afresh. I sought refuge in blooms, crafting essences that would mend my spirit. Writing Phoolproof became my balm, unveiling a world of healing within me.
While I continued to heal others with these flower essences, I introspected and could identify the remedies that I required at that time. There were moments when I questioned how I could heal others when I was so bruised and raw within. But that is the beauty of any form of healing or spiritual practice—healing oneself and helping others are intertwined destinies.
Dancing with Anger, Fear, and Vulnerability
This was a period where I felt angry, sad, fearful, and vulnerable. I needed comfort. A reassuring hug. A light of hope. BFRs offered that balm to my bleeding heart. For my outbursts of anger, I took Holly. The remedy soothed and helped me realise that when I allow divine love and light to flow through me, anger gets washed away. There were days that I felt lethargic and procrastinated things, and that’s the time I took Hornbeam. For comfort, I took Star of Bethlehem. This humble remedy is often called the healer of healers and it always gave me a sense of being protected and loved.
This was also a time when I had this deep fear of losing grip over my life. I have always been the person who has firm control over my situation, and, hence, this vulnerable state was daunting, confusing, and draining. I snapped, I cried, I lost my temper, but Cherry Plum remedy helped me deal with this fragile state. I took this remedy for more than six months continuously to transform my state of mind.
Rebirth and Renewal
I will add a disclaimer here, that if an emotional phase passes, it doesn’t mean that it will not resurface. This is because emotions will always be there in the labyrinths of our lives and hence will reappear from time to time. It is like a wheel of fortune…dynamic and evolving. Hence, the bond with Bach Flower Remedies is a lifelong relation.
So, my wheel of fortune turned, and I was able to emerge stronger. Things transformed; hope sprung. A change of place in 2019 gave a fresh lease of life to my marriage, which had started showing cracks. During the pandemic when my husband and I were in two different cities, we bonded better and perhaps realised the worth of each other. However, through this renaissance, my companionship with Bach Flower Remedies remained unwavering, and at the right time they came to my rescue. They provided a cushioning to brace the impact of my marriage’s demise.
Finding Light Amidst Darkness
Life’s whispers often carry wisdom, bestowed upon us by true friends and well-meaning counsel. However, it is in moments of unease and displacement that their counsel takes root. In my current situation, a tumultuous churn is my constant companion. Through this whirlwind of uncertainty, Walnut Bach Flower Remedy stands as my guide, holding my hand through this darkness. A darkness that at times seems like a black hole…a never-ending abyss. And at times feels like a tunnel, with the hope that there will be light at the end of it.
“Through this renaissance, my companionship with Bach Flower Remedies remained unwavering, and at the right time they came to my rescue.”
Reckoning with Reality: A Dance of Separation and Rediscovery
When the bonds of a cherished relationship fray, devastation strikes hard. Yet, despite the upheaval, sense of loss, and intense hurt, I refused to question fate with a mournful ‘Why me?’. Instead, I turned to my Buddhist faith and Bach Flower Remedies and challenged destiny with a ‘Try me’. In the embrace of my faith and these floral remedies, I greeted each day with mindfulness and an unwavering sense of optimism.
Blooming Amidst Adversity
Since May 2022, I have spent time with my flower essences every day. I meditate, self-reflect, and analyse where I stand at this moment, and which remedy should I take that day. This mindful practice helps me gain a better understanding of myself.
Despite being heartbroken, I haven’t lost faith in love and hope. In moments of anger, I turn to Holly Bach Flower Remedy and fill my heart with gratitude for what I have. It may be a seemingly impossible feat, but this remedy has taught me to pray wholeheartedly for my spouse’s happiness. Amidst this transformation, Walnut Bach Flower Remedy walks beside me, a sentinel of self-preservation, ensuring I remain steadfast.
Weathering Life’s Whims: Finding Anchors Amidst Setbacks
I was a person who used to proudly proclaim “I do what I dream, I dream what I do”. From that state of self-belief and passion for work, I plummeted to a state of zero confidence and doubt. Also, it seems like a law that when troubles come to your life, they appear from all aspects of life. While I was grappling to accept that the marriage had indeed failed, financial issues reared their ugly head. All the freelance projects that I was working on closed down one by one. I tried my best to get a full-time job but failed. However, my quest is on, and during moments of low confidence, I reach out for the bottle of Larch Bach Flower Remedy, and with its help, I am able to come back on track swiftly.
And then there is a society to deal with. Friends, relatives, neighbours, and sometimes even people who I hardly know have assumed the right to comment and question. It is humiliating and annoying. In situations like these Sweet Chestnut—a remedy that is needed when you have tried hard, but nothing seems to have worked—reignites a flame of hope. I also take Vervain, a remedy that is needed for people with a burning passion, to revive that pride and passion for my work. Some days things look promising but, as they say, there’s many a slip between the cup and the lips, and out of nowhere there is a setback. On those days I reach out for Gentian, my steadfast BFR companion stands by me during moments of uncertainty, a reminder that setbacks are mere pauses in my ongoing narrative.
Liberation in the Wake of Struggle
As I write this piece, I am also going through a legal battle that is at once exhausting and expensive. It is something that I had never signed up for. People who I considered my family for 15 years have snapped ties. It is heartbreaking. It is draining to go through the slow judiciary processes.
It breaks me every time.
But I stand up again, ready to face the new day. Bach Flower Remedies have taught me resilience and never-ending optimism, and have given me the assurance that I am not alone. My battle has given me a purpose and now that I have shared my struggle with the world through this account, I want to show my victory as proof of my faith and flowers. Perhaps, my story has been emotional and sad, but let me state it here—I feel liberated.